What is this site about it?

Thank you, Wordle.

Just tell me what I'm supposed to do

Ironically, I understood what to do better before I read the English than after.

Here come the pronouns!

Anyone who grew up with Schoolhouse Rocks knows the name Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla, but most people are confused about who he is. He's NOT the one singing about pronouns -- Albert Andreas Armadillo is. Rufus is just a friend of his who owns a kangaroo.

Anyway, Rufus and Albert would both be proud of TheGirl who this weekend busted out some textbook-perfect pronouns. "Daddy's shirt" became "your shirt" and "Mommy's book" became "her book." It's yet one more small but amazing leap.

Grammar is one of those things that Mommy and Daddy get a big kick out of, and something which she may very well come to hate someday. I'm picturing the day when she talks about being "nauseas" or "laying down for a nap," and suddenly she's embroiled in a linguistic discussion involving dictionaries and AP Stylebooks. That'll be the day she realizes adults are nuts.

For now, though, it's all fun. Her sentences get longer and more complex, her words have more syllables, and her songs involve less mumbling. And Daddy has something to write about on the blog.

Your corporate America mixed metaphor of the day

You're just another track under the technology umbrella.

Thank you. This has been your corporate America mixed metaphor of the day.

568 other ways to say "drunk"

1. a couple of chapters into the novel


2. a little worse for wear


3. a public mess


4. ablaze


5. about


6. about right


7. addled


8. afflicted


9. afire


10. aflame


11. afloat


12. alcoholic


13. alcoholled


14. alkied-up


15. all gone


16. all gowed up


17. ambushed


18. animated


19. annihilated


20. aped


21. arsed


22. arseholed


23. assed


24. at peace with the floor


25. awry-eyed


26. bacchanal


27. bacchanalian


28. bacchic


29. backwards


30. bagged


31. banged up on sauce


32. banjaxed


33. banjo’d


34. bashed


35. bassackwards


36. bat


37. beery


38. befuddled


39. behind the cork


40. belligerent


41. belted


42. bemused


43. bent


44. besoffen (German)


45. besotted


46. bibacious


47. bibulous


48. blacked-out


49. bladdered


50. blasted


51. blathered


52. blatted


53. blind


54. blind chance


55. blind drunk


56. blitzed


57. blitzkrieged


58. blobbing


59. blootered


60. blotto


61. blowing a 2


62. blowing beer bubbles


63. blown-away


64. bludgeoned by life


65. blue


66. boiled


67. boiled as an owl


68. boiling over


69. bolloxed


70. bombarded


71. bombed


72. bongoed


73. boozed


74. boozer


75. boozy


76. borracho (Spanish)


77. bout


78. boxed


79. brandy-faced


80. breathless


81. broken


82. buckled


83. bulldozed


84. bullet (Tennessee)


85. bunned


86. buried


87. burling


88. bust


89. busted


90. butt wasted


91. buttered


92. buzzed


93. cabbaged


94. cancelled


95. canned


96. capernoited


97. carousing


98. catching a good buzz


99. chemically enhanced


100. chemically imbalanced


101. clobbered


102. cocked


103. cockeyed


104. cognacked


105. comblasted


106. comblinded


107. cordial


108. corked


109. cormed


110. corned


111. count Drunkula


112. cracked


113. cranked


114. crapulent


115. crapulous


116. crashed


117. crinked


118. crocked


119. crunk


120. crushed


121. cued up


122. cunted


123. cut


124. dead to the world


125. deleerit


126. delirious


127. derailed


128. destroyed


129. dipso


130. disguised


131. disorderly


132. dizzy


133. done


134. doped


135. down the creek


136. drenched


137. drita (Norwegian)


138. drugged


139. drunk


140. drunk as a fiddler


141. drunk as a lord


142. drunk as a piper


143. drunk as a skunk


144. drunk as a wheelbarrow


145. drunk as an owl


146. drunk as blazes


147. drunk as chloe


148. drunk as david’s sow


149. drunkard


150. drunken


151. ecstatic


152. edged


153. elevated


154. embalmed


155. enthusiastic


156. euphoric


157. excited


158. faced


159. faded


160. far-gone


161. featured


162. febrile


163. fermented


164. fervent


165. fervid


166. fevered


167. feverish


168. fiddled


169. fiery


170. flaked out


171. flaming


172. floating


173. floored


174. flush


175. flushed


176. flustered


177. fou


178. franked


179. frayed


180. frazzled


181. fresh


182. fried


183. frozen


184. fubar


185. fucked


186. fucked up


187. fuckered up


188. fuddled


189. full


190. full as a tick


191. fully kroizoned


192. furschnickered


193. gagged


194. gansado (Portuguese)


195. gassed


196. gay


197. giddy


198. glazed


199. glorious


200. glowing


201. glued


202. gone


203. gone borneo


204. good to go


205. gooned


206. goose


207. goosed


208. greased


209. groatable


210. grogged


211. groggy


212. gunne


213. guttered


214. had a skinful


215. had one over the eight


216. had one too many


217. half in the bag


218. half-cocked


219. half-cut


220. half-gone


221. half-seas over


222. hammered


223. hamstered


224. happy


225. has a package on


226. heated


227. het-up


228. high


229. high as a kite


230. hinging


231. hooched-up


232. hooped


233. hopped-up


234. horizontal


235. horseback


236. hot


237. howling


238. humming


239. humored


240. hung one on


241. hurting a turtle


242. impaired


243. impassioned


244. in a ditch


245. in liquor


246. in one's altitudes


247. in rare form


248. in the bag


249. in the gutter


250. in the ozone


251. in your cups


252. inebriated


253. inebrious


254. inflamed


255. influenced


256. inspirited


257. intense


258. inter pocula


259. intoxed


260. intoxicated


261. invincible


262. jagged


263. jar’d


264. jazzed


265. jiggered


266. jugged


267. juiced


268. just south of bejesus


269. K.O.'d


270. keen


271. keilazarus (Holland)


272. kettled


273. keyed


274. klangered


275. kooked


276. laid out


277. lamped (Ireland)


278. langered


279. langers (Ireland)


280. lashed


281. lazarus (Holland)


282. leaked


283. leaning


284. leaping


285. leathered


286. legless


287. licked


288. limp


289. liquored up


290. lit


291. lit up


292. lively


293. loaded


294. locked


295. logged


296. looped


297. loopy


298. lubed up


299. lubricated


300. lumga (Canada)


301. lush


302. lushed


303. lushy


304. maggot


305. magoogled


306. mareado (Spanish)


307. marinated


308. mashed


309. massacred


310. maudlin


311. medicated


312. mellow


313. Merle Haggard


314. merry


315. messed up


316. minced


317. minging (Scottish)


318. miraculous


319. mortal


320. mortal drunk


321. mortalled


322. muddled


323. mullered


324. munted


325. muzzy


326. nappy


327. narcotised


328. nimtopsical


329. not so farfrompuken


330. nuked


331. obfuscated


332. obliterated


333. obliviated


334. off the trolley


335. off the wagon


336. off your face (Australia)


337. Off your nut (Australia)


338. oiled


339. Oliver, Oliver Twist


340. on a bender


341. on a campaign


342. on fire


343. on the cuff


344. one over the eight


345. orgiastic


346. ossified (Ireland)


347. out cold


348. out of /off one's box


349. out of his tree (Australia)


350. out of it


351. out of your mind


352. out of/off one's head


353. out of/off one's tree


354. over the bay


355. over the limit


356. over your cups


357. overcome


358. overtaken


359. owled


360. palatic


361. paralytic


362. parro (Australia)


363. partied-out


364. passionate


365. pealaid (S. Louisiana)


366. pickled


367. piddled


368. pie-eyed


369. piffled


370. pifflicated


371. pished out his face


372. pissed


373. pissed as a fart


374. pissed as a newt


375. pissing


376. pixilated


377. plastered


378. plotzed


379. plowed


380. plowed over


381. poegaai (South African)


382. poisoned


383. polluted


384. possessed


385. potted


386. potty


387. potulent


388. potvaliant


389. primed


390. pulled a daniel boone


391. pulled a shot-eye


392. put one on


393. putrefied


394. quaffed


395. raddled


396. rat-arsed


397. rat-assed


398. rat-legged


399. ratted


400. razzled


401. red-hot


402. redirected


403. reeking


404. reeling


405. retarded


406. rigid


407. ripped


408. roaring


409. rocked


410. rooked


411. roped


412. rubbered


413. rummy


414. saturated


415. sauced


416. schlonkered


417. schnockered


418. schtumphy


419. schwacked


420. screwed


421. scuppered


422. scuttered (Ireland)


423. seasoned


424. seeing triple


425. sewed up


426. shedded


427. shellacked


428. shickered (Australian)


429. shikker


430. shit faced


431. shit housed


432. shot


433. silly


434. sizzled


435. skunked


436. slambasted


437. slammed


438. slappered


439. slapping happy


440. slarmied


441. slaughtered


442. slewed


443. slickered


444. slobbered


445. slopped


446. slopped up


447. sloppy


448. sloshed


449. slozzled


450. sluiced


451. smashed


452. smoked


453. smuckered


454. smurfed up


455. snockered


456. snooted


457. so lit you could read by him


458. so wet you ripple


459. soaked


460. sodden


461. sopped


462. sot


463. sotally tober


464. sottish


465. soused


466. souzed


467. sozzled


468. spaced


469. spanceled


470. spanked


471. spiffed


472. spiflicated


473. splashed


474. spongy


475. squashed


476. squiffed


477. squiffy


478. staggering


479. steaming


480. steamy


481. stewed


482. stiff


483. stiffed


484. stinking


485. stinko


486. stinky


487. stocious


488. stoned


489. stonkered


490. stooped


491. stupid


492. stupified


493. sunk


494. swacked


495. swamped


496. tanglefooted


497. tanked


498. tanked up


499. tatered


500. temulent


501. temulentive


502. tepo (Spanish)


503. the worse for liquor


504. three sheets to the wind


505. throwed off


506. tiddly


507. tied one on


508. tight


509. tilted


510. tipped


511. tippled


512. tipsy


513. tired and emotional


514. to' up from the flo' up


515. toasted


516. toe up


517. topped off


518. tore down


519. tore up


520. torqued


521. totaled


522. toxed


523. toxic


524. trashed


525. trollied


526. trounced


527. trousered


528. tuned out


529. tuned up


530. twatted (British)


531. tweaked


532. twisted


533. under the influence


534. under the table


535. under the weather


536. unsober


537. vulcanized


538. walloped


539. wankered


540. wasted


541. wearing a wobbly boot


542. well bottled


543. well lubed


544. well oiled


545. wellied


546. welly'd


547. wet


548. whacked


549. whacked out


550. whiskeyfied


551. whiskey-frisky


552. whittled


553. wicked retarded (Boston)


554. wiggy


555. wiped-out


556. withered


557. wobbly


558. wombled


559. woozy


560. wracked


561. wrecked


562. zealous


563. ziced


564. zipped


565. zoned


566. zonked


567. zoused


568. zozzled

Funny girl

I'm proud to announce that Sophie told her first joke today. It went like this:

Lisa noticed she was chewing on something, so Lisa asked the inevitable question: "What do you have in your mouth?"

Sophie's answer? "Teeth." And she grinned.

Sophie clearly knew what Lisa meant, since we ask that question on an almost-daily basis. But this time, rather than answer literally, she answered in the absurd. I.E., she told a joke.

But Sophie's not content with mere verbal humor -- the girl also has a gift for physical comedy. This afternoon, she took to pulling her arm up into her sleeve. When we expressed alarm that her hand was now missing, she produced it and said, "Ta da!"

(Regular readers of this column will remember that "ta da" was actually Sophie's first word. She'd barely been with us a month when she picked up on the phrase, but then it disappeared again until this opening came along.)

Stay tuned for the final comedy frontier: puns.