Introducing the Law of Inverse Hipsterism

When I arrived at Search Engine Strategies Sunday, I'd clearly made a mistake: I was dressed too casually. Despite the demands of the brutal Chicago weather, most of the guys ditched the wool and the parkas to put their best hispter shoes (and jackets and designer jeans and Diesel sunglasses) forward.

But by the time I left Wednesday, the hipsters were in retreat and the unkempt nerds were out in force. It was a startling change, and I even checked to see if the schedule intentionally progressed from cutting-edge to mundane. Why else would hipsters arrive early and nerds come late?

It took a while, but I finally saw what was happening. The only possible answer is -- brace yourselves -- the hipsters and the nerds are the same people. I call it the Law of Inverse Hipsterism. (Feel free to search for this phrase -- you won't find it anywhere else.)

What this law stipulates is that most people (but especially techies) cannot sustain hipsterism when traveling. So they front-load for the first few days, but the longer the trip, the more their inner dork comes out. After just a couple of days, jeans get dirty, glasses break, shirts smell like smoke, hair gets runs out, etc. By the final day, most people are lucky to put together a complete outfit, much less have it look good.

The exception to this rule is the same exception to most rules: women. As the men burn through their best looks early, the women have planned out the clothing week so that they finish as strong as they started.

Hotel bathroom reviews: first in a periodic series

Hilton Chicago: two out of five stars

• Size: 2.5 stars
• Sink size: 1.5 stars (tons of wasted space behind door could have been used to expand sink area)
• Toiletries: 2 stars (missing toothpaste/toothbrush combo, but included two kinds of liquid moisturizers)
• Toilet-to-shower proximity: 1 star
• Decor: 3 stars
• Water pressure: 4 stars
• Hot water duration: 3.5 stars
• Raised, flower-print wallpaper: 4 stars
• Ugly painting: 2 stars
  
• General oddities: Dresser contains both Holy Bible and biography of Conrad Hilton, great-grandfather to Paris

Overall impressions: Without shower, bathroom would be pointless. There's no room to work at the sink, no room to change clothes, and barely room to turn around. The door opens into wasted space which could have been put to use for any other purpose, but since it wasn't one thinks the entire space must have been designed by monkeys. Or Conrad Hilton heiresses.