A Private Message to Our Dog

Jake, stop staring at me. Just stop. It's not going to change the fact that I have a lot of work to do. Don't think this is helping your case -- it's just making me less interested in doing anything with you. This is a really hard time and -- wait, where are you...?

Oh, I see. Yes, I know you want to play frisbee. You always want to play frisbee. But we just played a little while ago. Besides, it's too hot -- you'll get overheated and exhausted just like last time. So you can just put down the frisbee.

OK, seriously, stop staring. Can't you see I'm working? Why can't you play outside on your own like other dogs? Other dogs seem to enjoy that, but not you. Have you ever thought about why you don't? Lookit, your favorite activites always involve someone else doing some subservient-type behavior for you: throwing a toy, driving a car, walking. You can never just do something that only involves Jake. Think about that.

I really wish you could just go outside and...

Wait, why did you just jump off the couch? What, did I say the "g-o" word? I can't believe I said it. And I really can't believe that you know that stupid word. Why is that word so important to you? Stop stretching and whimpering like we're actually going somewhere -- yes, I said it again. It doesn't mean anything.

Stop staring, Jake.